I need a platitude adjustment.

[Edit] Oh, yeah, I totally forgot to ask; What are you guys thankful for? Me? I'm thankful for penises, Hulu and online shopping.

You know what's been pissing me off lately? Shit like this....
I don't know if you guys are aware but, some people actually like black metal. For some people, it's not part of their ironic little fashion statement. I want ship that asshole to Norway and let the trolls have him.

ANYWAY, I didn't put up a comic today because I slept until 5pm and didn't have time to draw one...uh, sorry.

New hotness up at http://kvltcomic.wordpress.com/

So, sometimes people will just come up and ask me if I'm goth. I shit you not, people take time out of their day to not only ponder whether or not I'm goth, but become so curious, they just have to ask me personally. Like they can't get through their day without knowing. It would simply kill them, like having a line to a song stuck in your head but, having no idea what song it's from or who it's by.

It happened to me today. I made the apparent mistake of leaving the house in a black dress. I wear lots of these. Plain, black dresses, none costing more than $14. So, this guy asks me and I don't have a response. I never do because I can't think of anything proper to say. I just kept playing with the very large mastiff he had in the back of his car. I avoided his questions by asking about the dog. He was prying. I know people. They like to pry. Once they feel like they've got some little piece of information, they want to see how much more they scrape out of you. People seem interested in me but, in an incredibly shallow, self-serving way.

There's no right answer to that question. "No" is the worst. That opens a whole new discussion. "Well, what are you, then?" I don't have an answer for that, either.

So, next time a balding old man in a station wagon asks you if you're goth, you better hope he has a dog.

Do you guys know of any build-your-own-website places that isn't like, geocities (Edit: OH SHIT THEY CLOSED GEOCITIES) or deviantart or something?
I just finished my first comic and I need a place to uplaod it.

So, I had a pretty good Halloween this year. It beat last year by a LONG SHOT. If I remember right, all that happened last year was I got stuck being the 5th wheel at a lame bar and faked sick to get out of it.

This year was a lot better, though. I went to the annual Friends For Life benefit party. I usually don't get to go to grown-up type Halloween parties so. I normally end up taking my niece trick-or-treating or something like that so, this was a cool change. There were lots of sexy people in cool costumes dancing around and getting pretty smashed. But, since I'm a total fatass, I spent the evening making trips to the food table. But, between gorging myself on cheese and artichoke dip, I managed to take some pictures. Mostly of my sister who insisted all night that I take pictures of her. But, I'm not going to post those because as I've mentioned, (say it with me, kids) I have stalkers.
( Anyway, here's some random Halloween shots plus, the party. )Other than that, I've been addicted to various tumblr sites. I was inspired by dealbreaker especially. So, for your viewing pleasure, I've made up some dealbreakers of my own. Let's watch, won't we? For starters:


Your love of the "fine sport" of hunting.
I've never heard anyone successfully justify hunting to me. It's not a sport. It's not like you run the animal down and kill it with a blow gun or something. You sit on your ass in the woods with a bunch of dudes in matching outfits.
Also, we have these things in modern society called BUTCHER SHOPS. Maybe you've heard of them? They've been around for a few centuries. You don't have to spent thousands of dollars on hunting equipment to go pluck off some rabbits. I mean, do you really need to eat mongoose? Is it THAT damn good?
The bottom line is, you get joy from killing animals. That's messed up. Just because you have a small cock doesn't mean you have to take it out on the wildlife.


You're "not into 80's hardcore".
Go to any office building in America and find the most boring guy there. Let's say Bob Smith who, when asked about his musical interest says "Oh, I don't know. I'll put on like, some Frank Sinatra when friends come over for dinner or something" then, mention Bad Brains. "Oh, fuck, dude, I fucking LOVE Bad Brains! I saw them in '82 with Minor Threat!" Do you know why that is? Because 80's hardcore is an absolute good. Like David Bowie (whom I'm convinced no one can actually hate). Nobody is immune. If you can't hang, fine. Me and Bob will have a TV party tonight and you're not invited.

I can't think of anymore without pissing myself off. Ya'll know I like to keep shit funny around here. What about you guys? Let's hear your dealbreaks. You can post 'em in the comments but, I think it'd be cool to make this a posting meme.

INTERNETS BACK.

Yeah, somebody refuses to pay their fucking bills on time so, I guess that's more shit I can pick up. Sweet.
So, anyway, I wanted to write about something that pissed me off recently. You can probably tell I'm not the type of person who get's worked up real easily. I'm that kind of mellow that's just above dead. Things roll off me like the most delicate beads of water off a ducks ass.
But, I recently attended yet another bunk ass art exibit. At first, I was typical me. Aimlessly roaming around, daydreaming about things I’d rather be doing. At the end of the exibit was the sign that said…

“I could do that”
But, you didn’t.

Wow. How fucking deep. That really like, makes me reconsider my whole opinion, man.
Is this just me over analyzing or this the most annoying thing you’ve ever read, too? Is that supposed to make me shut up and pretend this shit isn’t offensive just because I didn’t make it? No, sir. I did NOT make this garbage. My dog shit in the kitchen floor this morning but, you don’t see me making people pay to look at it despite the fact that they are essentially one in the same.

Something about that really struck a nerve with me. Probably becacause I remember getting treated pretty shitty by these local hipster jerks. Like, all the shit I’m into is just silly little kid stuff that they’re much too old for (none of them being over 26, mind you). Ya’ know, ‘cause I’ve been living in the hip, college-y part of town for about a decade now and I’ve put up with a lot of shit from these snot nosed trust fund babies. These self ritous, stuck up cunts who’ve been in school for a few years and think they’ve seen it all

What really fucks me up is that I never really see their art. Like, I’ve been to a few house parties and I never see painting hung up or paint stains on the carpet or markers everywhere or any of the other tell tale signs that an artist resides at this house.

Sidenote: Those were the lamest parties I’ve ever been to. Hipsters have no IDEA how to throw down. Like, I think the most heinous thing they ever did was drop the keg in a bathtub. Other than that, It was just get tipsy and the parties pretty much over.

I figured out one day (probably while completely spaced out again. If you couldn’t tell, that’s how I spend about 98.9% of my time.) People like that really should be taken with a grain of salt. Because they’re just one group out the any groups of overzealous people trying desparately to attatch themselves to something bigger than they are because they’re just boring mooks like us.  But, ya’ know, now their boring mooks in a SCENE. Kinda like those people on The Jenny Jones show back in the day who would claim they were vampires and witches and whatever else. Don’t act like you didn’t watch that shit. (Where my latch key kids at!?)

But, that’s just one of the smaller bugs that's been up my ass lately. I’ve been in another one of my funks. I hate it when I get like this. Usually, I an find some sort of inspirado to snap me out of it but, I haven’t found it yet. I’m usually so happy this this time of year what with Halloween coming up and all. This year I feel…like a grown up. Like, I’m going to turn the porch light off and watch Thriller by myself and pass out on the couch after polishing off a bottle of Popov. BOOORING.
I’m pretty sure it’s this eat, sleep, caffine, work, try like hell to not get sick shedual I’ve been on lately. It’s bummin’ me out.

I have a whole lot of phone calls I need to make that probably aren’t going to get made again today…

I'm Grandma; The hesher.

"I am a cold, snivveling blob of pain, with only my box of Cheez-Its to cling to for comfort. I am literally one step away from crusing my Jazzy scooter though Wal*Mart in search of Pall Malls and an acrylic nail kit."

I would like to add to this that, after purchasing said items, I would also drive home in my Ford Taurus (which, I actually own) to my cat piss encrusted trailer and enjoy my fine products in my velvet recliner while watching Maury.

I feel like such a trashy bitch. I hate my job so fucking much that all I want to do is come home, pig out and die. In general, I work in a dust caked, asbestos ridden, mold covered (all of which I'm allergic to) fucking rat trap that's so god damn hot, I feel like I'm going to puke all night. Add to that the fact that I've been on antibiotics lately and you get one tired, angry bitch. I twisted my ankle earlier and just lost my shit. I was carrying this huge box out and didn't see the step and I almost fell flat on my ass. After that I was so fucking miserable, I just went apeshit. I hate crying in public. I know it's awkward for people. Like, I've seen people cry in public and I always want to walk up to them and be like "It's ok, man. You're doing great!" but, I figure that'd weird them out and they're obviously already fucked enough.
So, now, here I sit. I took some painkiller I had sitting in my dresser and I feel a little better. It still chaps my ass that I can't find another job ANYWHERE. You guys got any tips? Like, how did you find your jobs? I figure the only way to get anything good is to know someone who already works there, ya' know? I feel like applying places is just a waste of time. Do people really get jobs that way? It doesn't seem like it. I mean, it's not going to stop me or anything. I'm still gonna get my trashy ass out there and apply anywhere I can.

It seems like I'm just typing to hear the clicks now or something. Yeah, I just wanted to vent. I've had a super shitty day. I'll go get some tea with my sister tomorrow and probably feel better.

*Puts on a voice like that old dude from Pet Cemetery* Yep, 'ey done migrated down 'ere for Gonerfest. I set some traps out der on tha deck. Got some luke warm Pabst Blue Ribbon out 'er inna bear trap. They alright fer jerky if'n you don't mind tha taste a' Newports 'n shitty tattoos. 'S bout the only way you can keep 'em down. They ain't like 'em hippies from last year. They only pretend to like the mess when you try blastin' 'em out with Death Metal. Ironically 'a course. Just gotta wait it out, I'm 'friad.

I am deeply offended.
What's with all this internet freckle hate? Like, I'm looking on youtube for a tutorial on how to get good looking fake freckles (I need to practice for my Halloween costume. I'm going as Velma Dinkley!) because I figure "Oh, there's about a million make-up tutorials on youtube, surely one of them will be about applying freckles.
Wrong! All I keep coming back with is stuff about how to conceal freckles with make-up or remove them entirely with photoshop! This is a travesty. This is an affront to all befreckled citizens. Freckles are CUTE, youtube. Earth to internet, a face without freckles is like a night without stars!


[Edit] Ok, Sometimes Velma has freckles and sometimes she doesn't. I guess it depends on which incarnation you're going by. I'm going to add freckles because 1) they're cute and 2) I want ti piss off the anti-freckle establishment.

1. I seriously need one of those giant foam rubber hands when I watch this show. Some people have football, I have Law & Order: SVU. This shows been awesome since Mariska Hargitay came back. The season before she left and everything after kinda sucked but, now it's back being to my special little time machine. It sends me an hour into the future before I even realize it.

2. EATING. Holy shit, I have sow'd the fuck down. I hadn't had the time or desire to eat much all lately but, I've been tearing up the kitchen for the past two days. I've shoveled more crap down my tube this weekend than I have in nearly a month. It's awesome.

3. Online shopping. I love this shit. Order used books off amazon! Oh, and give me book recommendations. Here's my wishlist in case you need some suggestions yourself.