eccentric rent girl.

Would you guys be cool if I just updated like, every day? Almost every day. Maybe take a break on weekends or something. Fuck it, it's my blog and I'll do what I want. You don't know me. I don't go to school and I kill people. I give my baby whatever he wants. You don't know my life...

Oh, wait. You read my blog. . .I have a blog to begin with...that should tell you something about my life...or lack thereof.

Anyway, You know what trips me out? Rapey dudes. Ya' know, the hipster dudes that try to look like 6th grade English teachers but, ultimately end up looking like they're on the sex offender registry list? Guys that look like "I've got roofies and I'm not afraid to use them". Like this poor shmuck...I don't think I have anymore men left who comment on here so, ladies, maybe you know. What makes dudes think this is a good look? I mean, besides the cocaine.
My last post got me to thinking more men should look like old school Ad Rock.

*Have I mention I hate the word graffitt? Because I do. Mostly because I can't spell. ALSO, I updated my info page and I fucking love it. Check it.

I'm really stoked to see this!

Do you know anyone with a fetish? Perhaps your friend *wink wink* would like to commission someone to perhaps, for a nominal fee, depict said fetish in the form of a drawing for a nominal fee, perhaps yes? Let me know.

Did you know they lock you in the theater when a play starts? Yeah, man. True story. I had to hold my piss for like, four hours. Fuckin' sucked.

Ffffound is usually a website chock full of page after page pretentious garbage and things that could easily become numbers #190-#10,000 on stuffwhitepeoplelike. (i.e "Fashion Photography", "Hating Corporations", etc.)
But, occasionally, they'll hit up on some pretty good gems that are just too good to ignore. Call me when you motherfuckers are ready to talk about Satan. 

 
( Cut because you little bastards need to get back too work )

I need men. Several of them.

It would be great to have a collection of men. A manicopia if you will. In my room, just scattered about the place. They'd all have really long hair, too so they could lay on my bed and I'd have a warm, fuzzy man blanket.









Someday...

Why can't I have siblings THIS entertaining? Noooo, my sisters had to mature. Hmph.
I think the internet, although not it's intended purpose per say, is the best technological advancement in more efficiently tormenting siblings known to man. Sometimes when I tell people I was the youngest of my family their response is "Oh, you must have been spoiled rotten, being the baby and all".
HA
Being the baby meant I was subject to the torment of not just one but, both sisters. And I didn't have those nice, girly little "let's have a tea party" sisters, either, mother fucker. Fuckin', I had "let's find the Freddy Kruger mask and hid in the shower and scare _____ while she's on the toilet" sisters. Don't even get me started on the wedgies. I think if I were to have a colonic irregation, it would reveal particles of Power Rangers underwear still loged deep within my anus. But, that's ok. I'm just so indescribably thankful the internet wasn't around in the day. I leave you with further proof that my hipothisis of sibling torment as it applies to the internet is correct.



IN THE BUTT

I found out where all the hot, long haired guys are in Memphis...




















Gay pride parades...


















ouch.

I hope so. Wicked is playing downtown and I'm trying to get on the merchandise sales team. I've been desperate for a job lately. I've been holding out to find an actual decent job that wouldn't make me want to kill myself. Slinging t-shirts doesn't seem too bad. Better than painting.

Has anyone ever actually gotten hired through Craigslist? I've been sending out e-mails like a mother fucker and I just wanted to know if it's all a scam.

I've been in a major fog lately. I have felt miserable. Probably the longest I've ever felt this bad. Not actual pain, just dull aches that never seem to go away. I'm really foggy and I can barely think straight sometimes. I feel almost like I have dissociative disorder or something. Like my brain is in here and my body is on autopilot. It's doing what it knows it has to do but, my brain is still in bed asleep. I keep hoping it'll go away soon but, it's just not.

I need to wake up early tomorrow.

I've been writing prose lately. Just random thoughts and reflections. I've left so much shit unfinished, it seems to fit. Just to write a bunch of random paragraphs that don't really belong anywhere. I freaked out a little earlier because I realized I've been drawing myself stupid for the past 5 years and I don't seem to be getting much better at it or advancing at all.

Anyway, he's something I've written.

 "When I could manage to get a word in, it was only the occasional off color one-liner that, of course he would laugh histerically at without fail. Why wouldn't he? He was almost completely deviod of his own sense of humor. It made me hate him even more. Is there nothing more you could add to the conversation other than to tell me the obviously funny thing I said was funny?

God, I wanted to throw up on him. I wanted to make a big show of it. I wanted him to be silent in disbelif that someone had the gall to blow chunks right in his smug, prepubestant face. It seemed natural and so fitting. To pshyically manifest what I couldn't verbally. The angry, bitter feelings that have sat in my stomach like sour milk. I want to purge them. The priceless shock and disgust dawning on the faces of everyone in the car as soon as they'd realized what I had done. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" They would scream as I focused my attention only on the chunks my own hot sick streaming down him. On to his clothes and eventually the interor of the car. A part of their conversation snaps me back into reality just as my imagination was taking me into the realm of the absurd. I imagined filling the entire car with vomit as everyone frantically tried to escape.
"______, do you want to hit this or not?"
"Sure..."

So, someone sent me a torrent of all the Simpson's Halloween episodes. I used to be genuinely terrified watching these every Halloween when I'd come home from Trick or Treating with my sisters. No doubt sweating my little ass off from the Tennessee heat (which creeps all the way in to December sometimes) in whatever horrible, itchy fabric those costumes are made of. I think it's some kind of polyester/astro turf blend.
I was kind of a total puss as a kid, as you can imagine.

But, that's another story for another time. This is about Halloween. I got to thinking back to those Halloween of yesteryear and how much I miss them. Dumping out massive garbage bags (not grocery bags, fucking garbage bags) of candy to auction off to each other. That's the drawback of having siblings. Occasionally, you'll have to loose a Kit Kat or two if you want some Skittles.
Growing up, my family really only celebrated Halloween. Any other Holiday was celebrated at the expense of someone else. Christmas was never big around here. The only person that gets anything on Christmas is my niece. We feel we owe it to her to make her holidays as whimsical as possible before she's thrust into the bitter coldness of adult life.

Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving. They can all blow it out their ass as far as my family is concerned. I think it's the "getting something for nothing" element that holds appeal to us. In autumn, there's always a twinge of joy around the house that's usually never there. The kind if excitement you'd expect from a family that doesn't try to sate their deep seeded bitterness with alcohol and narcotics.

I don't like this time of year. It's June. It's humid. Sitting in the sun makes me feel like my flesh is baking and it's fucking relentless here in the south. I want it to be Autumn. I want my pre-Halloween giddiness.

This summer has been hell. I'm ready for it to end.

I'm having a slight internet relapse after going cold turkey three days ago. I started off with some keyboard cat, man, I promise. I'm not going back to the hard shit. I just want to find some photo-shopped nudes of the new Spock then, I'm done for good.

Just let me check Twitter first....














I can quit whenever I want.

You want to know what I've been up to for the past week?
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That's it. Dividing my time between Sifl and Olly and various unfinished craft projects. Shit has been majorly slow around here. Lots of reading and cooking. Ya' know, free things. The library, chess at the coffee shop, free day at the museum. Stuff like that. Kickin' it ultra nerd style. I never took into account how much it cost to stay drunk and be out all the time. 
I've been listening to a lot of music lately, too. I'm not into terribly obscure music or anything. I listen to some stuff I think a lot of other people listen to but, some it, I'm just on my own with. Not a lot of new stuff, either. I've pretty much been jamming the same shit I've since I was like...13. Seriously, like, I know I've been into the Violent Femmes for more than a decade. Dinosaur Jr. and like, L7. I haven't updated my musical taste in a while, obviously. Threre's a few new metal bands I like. Well, they're new to me. As in, are still an active band that has put out an album in the past 5-10 years. I like The Red Chord. I'm not smug about my musical taste, either. I know a lot of people like that, though and it always pisses me off.
What do you guys listen to? I'm sure you guys know some cool music I don't. My only criteria is that I don't like boring indie stuff. Slow acoustic shit bores me to death. I usually don't take musical reccomendations because they usually suck but, I'm grabbing at straws here.

When the going gets though, I like to think of things that make me happy. This is a short list of things that  make me smile, as apposed to making me want to tear my hair out. *ahem*

• The Smell of dog shampoo. Seriously, next time you're at Petco or something, smell some dog shampoo. You won't regret it.
• When they give baby animals human baby stuff. Behold!
• Finding snacks you forgot you bought.
• Getting things for free.
• Getting compliments from pretty lesbians.
• Stiv Bators' mangina (nsfw)
• When really, really ugly people fall in love with each other.
• The view from the 4th floor of the library.
• Dinosaur Jr.'s cover of "Just like heaven". Even though it makes me all nostalgic.
• Going for a new look and pulling it off. Flawlessly.
• Being the only one in the house awake. Thus, giving me ample time to watch trashy TV shows on youtube.
• Being a spinster and knowing I will never have to put up with this.

What's some cool stuff that makes you guys happy?

People will laugh at anything. Christ, it's annoying.

That's it, I am officially done with the movie theater in the white neighborhood.

I love how I manage to stay busy yet accomplish absolutely nothing. Such is life.
Recent discoveries:

Furtling. In an era before radio and television, Furtling was a somewhat common parlor phenomenon in the Victorian era. -Courtesy of the Urban Dictionary

Something like this...

Why? It was the Victorian era, people. They were all hocked up on opiates, chopping off limbs left and right.
Doctors at the time also thought that during their periods, women were deprived of blood to the brain, leaving them "idiotic" or temporarily insane. That wasn't all that was driving the ladies wild in the 1800's. Check it out or I'll *dewskitch your nancy, ya' bloody toffers:

"During childbirth, regulars bled women into unconsciousness, mainly to relieve their own anxiety at hearing the screams and moans accompanying most births.

Because of modesty, and no regular female physicians, doctors were not allowed to look upon the naked bodies of their female patients. Many palpated (felt around) under the skirts, while others examined women with the aid of a mirror (to avoid looking directly). Collins points out that one of the best obstetricians of that period, a Dr Degorges, was blind. Many a physician exhorted medical students in their care to avoid viewing a half naked woman (even giving birth) under their care for it could result in sexual perversion leading them to adultery and madness. Students had to learn from textbooks and manikins."

Yes, everything in the Victorian era lead to madness.

Now, for a spot of tea. *I leave with the Victorian Slang Glossary, which explains half of the words I used in this entry. Let's discuss further Victorian shenanigans in the comments, shall we?

My life is so fucking weird. Ok, so I'm at the damn dollar store, right? These people are outside collecting change for like, homeless...amputees with aspirations of becoming...America's next top model...while battling additions to...smack...or some such garbage, I don't know! But, yeah. They start screaming at me from across the parking lot (I guess they know a sucker when they see one). Like, I'm not even close to them at all and they're asking change. I'm like, "alright, lemmie go buy some shit and I'll give you the change". So, I do and I drop it in the little bucket and next thing I know two people are grabbing me by the hand, praying either to or for me and some guy is fucking FILMING IT on his iPhone. So, I guess you guys can expect me to be the next youtube sensation. Look up "Hot young teen holding box of kotex is made extremely uncomfortable by religious nuts also, boobs"

WOW so, update on my dog? Alright (I know he's what you sick people come here for). He's absolutely fine. He came home Monday morning and didn't miss a beat. He was right back to being a Licky McChewybiterson. He's got a little bald patch on his front leg where they had to put the IV in but, other than that, he's a happy little dude.

I need to get some fucking sleep tonight. I have my summertime insomnia that I get every year. I have no idea why. But, every summer I just can't sleep. And I am SUCH an asshole when I don't get enough sleep. I'm going back to sleep.

[EDIT] Hey, quick question. You guys know how they have all these places to donate random stuff like, cell phones and old pairs of glasses and shit. Like, I gave my dogs hospitol some of our blankets. But, (and I know it's near the knuckle here) what about old sex toys? Like, broken ones that don't work anymore. Just wondering. I googled it and all that came back was donate kids toys and how to donate to sex shops.